spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 60

Day 60 - January 1st

GUIDANCE:

Get together with mates and share your hopes and dreams for the year. You could hold each other accountable to these to make them happen.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 59

Day 59 - December 31st

PHYSICAL

Exercise with friends - Go for a run/ bike ride, play football, squash. Whatever you and your friends are into, get the sweat glands working and the heart rate pumping. Work your body, and then feel the benefits!

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 58

Day 58 - December 30th

STUDY

Get a crowd together and read the scripture out loud. Not just the usual 6 or 7 verses, but really read it. You could take it in turns to read several chapters each and pass on the reading when you feel tired of reading out. The public and shared reading of scripture has somewhat been lost in our time. Let us share the word of life (you may want to go outside somewhere to do this or perhaps round a friend's house).

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 57

Day 57 - December 29th

FASTING

Corporate fasting. Get others to fast all on the same day. In the evening you may choose to get together to pray.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 56

Day 56 - December 28th

DO IT TOGETHER

Many spiritual fitness disciplines require others to do it with. Having spent more time solo last week, this week there will be some ideas on ways to exercise your spiritual fitness with those close to you.

SERVICE

There is the service in hospitality. Pick a night this week or whenever you have free time and invite some mates around. You may choose to cook a meal but the most important thing about this is that you are being HOSPITABLE. Take the example of Mary and Martha with Jesus in Luke 10: 38-42. Martha made the kind act of inviting Jesus in to their house, but then got so caught up in making things right in the kitchen, that she did not play host to Jesus. Mary on the other hand, sat by His feet, listening to His words.

Invite people round, and let them be the true focus.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 55

Day 55 - December 27th

STUDY

Reread a particular scripture several times a day as a way to keep thinking about it.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 54

DAY 54 - December 26th

SERVICE

There is a service in sharing the word of life. You could do this by spoken word, you could send a text with an encouraging verse. Whatever you do, just think who would really value the encouragement from the bible today.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 53

Day 53 - December 25th

WORSHIP

LET IT OUT

Get yourself to a place where you can just let it out. In your car, in the middle of field, maybe even at home alone. To shout your praises to God at the top of your voice. To scream and let out any frustrations. Tell God where you are at much like David does in the Psalms, but be sure to praise God wherever you are at in your life. God is worthy to be praised no matter what is going on in our lives.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 52

Day 52 - December 24th

GUIDANCE

Whenever you have decisions to make, be sure to pray over them. Make sure you only make big decisions having spent time listening to God. What are the big decisions you are facing at the moment?

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 51

Day 51 - December 23rd

MEDITATION

Go for a walk and find something that represents part of who God is and take a photo of it. You could print this picture when you get the chance and label it with your thought about God. Put it somewhere in your house, or in your journal as a reminder.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 50

Day 50 - December 22nd

PRAYER

Here is a simple truth. GOD IS ALWAYS SPEAKING. IT IS JUST WE DO NOT ALWAYS LISTEN. In fact we often do not listen at all. In our prayer lives we can jump straight into to our a dialogue, a dragged out monologue to God. We often talk, but how often do we LISTEN.

Wait on God. Spend time listening to God. Do not speak. Be silent. Get past the point where you are distracted by thoughts and the noises around you to a place where you are clearly discerning the voice of God. This may take you 5, 10, 15, 30 minutes, an hour. You get the picture. The more practiced you are the more readily you will be able to discern the voice of God.

I have tried listening to God many times. There are occasions that it takes much longer. There are times when you will feel like you hear nothing. Allow God to speak to you in either and any case.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 49

Day 49 - December 21st

SOLITUDE

In order to make the most of your time in solitude: listen to external noises and list them. Listen to internal noises and list them. This may help you have better space to listen to God.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 48

Day 48 - December 20th

Phew! So that challenging week has setup a few long term challenges. Time for something a little lighter again! This week will be a time for reflection.

REFLECTION WEEK

WORSHIP

Develop a habit of praising God when things are not going well. The sacrifice of praise shows we do not just honour God when things are going well. He deserves out praise whether we are doing well or not.

spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 47

Day 47 - December 19th

STUDY

Read the bible in a year. This is a big challenge. If you can be disciplined in this then you should be able to achieve the task by spending around 15 minutes per day (that's how long it takes me and I am an average paced reader!). Please note that is the timing if you do not bother to meditate on what you are reading, it's purely a reading timing.

There are plenty of different resources to guide you through this task. You could just read through from the beginning to the end, but to get the correct guidance on a daily basis here are a couple of different options:

Cover to cover: Through the bible as it happened by Selwyn Hughes and Trevor Partridge. Publisher: CWR. This will take you through the bible in chronological order which gives you a great perspective on the whole bible story. For example, you read Psalms alongside the events of which many of them refer to - you begin to know exactly what David was going through as you read his Psalm and gain the context for his delight or despair!

If you receive the word for today quarterly publication (which I highly recommend for a daily thought) has at the bottom of each daily read a guide to completing the bible in a year. The benefit to this is that they mix up old testament scripture with a Psalm and new testament read, giving you a varied read each day. This can make the task more manageable as you do not have to trawl through chunks of the old testament that may not be quite so action packed! Check out the website: http://www.ucb.co.uk/w4u where you can read it but you can subscribe to receive a paper version.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 46

Day 46 - December 18th

SERVICE

Add yourself onto a rota at church. It could be anything from sorting the chairs, being on the welcome team, serving drinks, playing in the worship band, being on the prayer ministry team, getting involved with things the church do such as work with homeless. The church I am part of serve bacon butties first thing every Friday morning and always values volunteers. There is something to do for all different kinds of gifts and interests. Use your talents to be involved and serve in your local church community.

Be in it for the lang haul.

spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 45

Day 45 - December 17th

GUIDANCE

One day as soon as you can, go away for the day by yourself and spend some time thinking about you future steps – dedicating them to God and asking for His guiding word. You could dedicate the next year or next 3months to His guidance. It is important to do this maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Go somewhere you like and feel like you have got away, like the beach.

Expect this same challenge again in a few months time!

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 44

Day 44 - December 16th

PRAYER

On a further note to prayer - begin a prayer journal. Write down your prayer requests, those on your heart. Whatever you are praying for, document in this journal. Keeping a prayer journal is a great way to motivate you to pray and acts as a great tool to look back over prayers prayed and to see how good God is by all the answered prayers and to keep persevering in the unanswered ones. This can be used as a tool to give God praise for all that He has been doing.

You may choose to keep a personal prayer journal, but an alternative or even as an added option, is to keep one with your partner. You can bring your relationship to God through this and it should encourage you to pray together.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 43

Day 43 - December 15th

So we are roughly seven weeks into the challenge. You may find things going very well, you may find many of the ideas are easy, some challenging and some may be part of your life already. In any case, keep persevering!

Now you are getting the hang of the challenge, we are going to crank it up a notch. This is an important week. This is a week of putting things in place for the rest of the year. Hopefully the challenges over the next few days will impact the rest of your year...

PRAYER

If you do not already, find someone to be accountable to in prayer and support. Currently I am part of a prayer trio. We meet every Monday morning before the working week commences and pray for each other and are accountable to each other. I cannot recommend this sort of support enough. If you are not sure of anyone to whom you could do it with, you may find your church may be able to hook you up with someone. I recommend this being on a regular basis, namely once a week, but do adjust accordingly to your circumstances. You may not be able to do this quite so often which is fine and on the flip side, you may be going through a tough time and need more frequent support - in which case, meet more often!

For those of you that already have this sort of support, your challenge for today is to give that friend a call/ text and see if there is anything that they need prayer for today.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 42

Day 42 - December 14th

SIMPLICITY

Approach God’s word and or your prayer time with a ‘childlike’ approach. We often complicate our prayers and the message and as a result miss out on the simple, affective truths that it offers.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 41

Day 41 - December 13th

SIMPLICITY

Have a clear out of your possessions. Dietrich Bonhoeffer rather firmy stated in his book 'The Cost of Discipleship' that "hording is idolatry" so reduce the amount of possessions you own. You could potentially give items away or sell them and give the money to charity or give them to a charity shop.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 40

Day 40 - December 12th

SIMPLICITY

This week live off the minimum wage. Whatever money you are able to save by not going to the pub, buying that DVD or whatever you spare cash goes toward, give to charity or for a good purpose of your choice. One way of saving money is to eat with friends - it's cheaper to cook a meal for a bunch of people than say just one or two and it's fun to eat with friends too!

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 39

Day 39 - December 11th

SIMPLICITY

Exchange an activity that you are addicted to for reading the bible. So when Eastenders, X-Factor or whatever TV programme you can't live without comes on, pick up the bible instead of the TV remote!

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 38

Day 38 - December 10th

SIMPLICITY

Give something of yours away. This reduces the level to which your possessions possess you.

spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 37

Day 37 - December 9th

Simplicity is key to a beautiful relationship with God. The more we fill our lives with stuff both material and time wise, the less room we have for God. Simplicity therefore can take many forms and over the next few days we will look at different ways in which we can begin to ADD simplicity into our lives!

SIMPLICITY

Reject anything producing an addiction in you eg. coffee, cigarettes, chocolate. Do this for today.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 36

Day 36 - December 8th

Service

Serve by guarding the reputation of others. If you find yourself in a situation that involves gossip or ill talk of someone, then actively go against the flow. Guard that person's reputation.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 35

Day 35 - December 7th

Confession

Get into the habit of confessing to small mundane things as a way to being able to confess to greater things.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 34

Day 34 - December 6th

CELEBRATION

Make sure you get yourself to church tomorrow and really get involved in the corporate time of praise and worship. Worship God with an attitude of celebration.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 33

Day 33 - December 5th

Solitude

Sit in a pub/ café/ anywhere with a bit of a buzz to it, but sit by yourself. You could write a letter to God in this time.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 32

Day 32 - December 4th

Simplicity

Today reject something that is taking up an unhealthy amount of your time – eg. TV watching.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 31

Day 31 - December 3rd

STUDY

Listen to a sermon on cd/ tape in your car on your way to work or on a journey or at home. Maybe even on your mp3 as you go for a run.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 30

Day 30 - December 2nd

FASTING

Spend a day this week fasting. If you're body is not used to being neglected of food, then choose a day when you are a little less active. When you start bringing fasting into your life, it needs to happen in small steps. You could start by fasting just one meal, if you feel able fast for a whole day.

In this time you fast, during your meal time where normally you would eat, spend time declaring to God that He is your daily bread. Before you finish your fast, you could bring in prayer those on your heart.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 29

Day 29 - December 1st.

GUIDANCE

Ask a friend that knows you well to pray with you if you have a big decision to make. You could also ask them what areas they see strengths in you and how they feel God might use them in the future.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 28

Day 28 - November 30th

WORSHIP

The Old Testament documents the continual failure of God's people to follow his commands, yet one thing they were good at is in worship they reminded themselves of God's goodness to them in the past. Check out Nehemiah 8.

Make a list of things you want to thank God for. You could share things from this list with others throughout the day. You could recite at least ten instances of how God has blessed your life in the past year.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 27

Day 27 - November 29th

MEDITATION - ART

Artworks such as painting and sculpture have been used for centuries to inspire private reflection and meditation. Take time to take in some art to inspire your meditation.

I have no hesitation in recommending an exhibition in The National Gallery (Trafalgar Square, London) named 'The Sacred Made Real'. It is a look at the golden age of spanish religious art in the 17th century. The exhibition has 16 paintings and 16 sculptures and the curation is excellent, the works really stand out individually and interact with each other and the space due to being very well spot lit and placed in the 6 different rooms. The life like sculptures using techniques such as polychroming are what this exhibition really is about. I took it in early this month and it is open until January 24th. If you get a chance please do go, leaving yourself around one and a half hours to really take it in. For details of the exhibition, here's the link. If you travel by train to London you can get 2for1 on entrance to the exhibition by showing your train tickets. Check out this link for details on this offer.

If you cannot get to this specific exhibition, a couple of the paintings are permanent residents of The National Gallery so you could see them another time.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 26

Day 26 - November 28th

Service

Common courtesy. Make time this week to make sure you have replied to invites, send a card of appreciation to a friend, send an encouraging message. It values people if you make a firm reply to invites. Build up someone this week.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 25

Day 25 - November 27th

Submission

Be more aware of advise given to you and act on it.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 24

Day 24 - November 26th

SIMPLICITY

Reject anything that breeds the oppression of others. This could be a conscious effort to analyse your purchases (eg. Fairtrade).

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 23

Day 23 - November 25th

STUDY

Memorise particular scriptures that you find helpful in the face of temptation. Quote these scriptures in the face of temptation as a way to say no to the devil and his schemes, just as Jesus did when he was led into the wilderness (Luke 4).

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 22

Day 22 - November 24th

STUDY

Read the same scripture in several different translations. Think about the different words used and spend time thinking about the scripture. If you do not have more than one hard copy version of the bible, a great resource is:

http://www.biblegateway.com/

Here you can type in any search for keywords, reference and books of the bible. You can read in numerous translations.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY 21

Day 21 - November 23rd.

PRAYER

Develop a habit of short prayers as you go throughout the day. if you have just seen someone you know, say a quick prayer for them. If a stranger catches your attention, pray for them. Your prayers may be the only prayer they receive that day.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY TWENTY

Day Twenty - November 22nd

Having looked through the Lord's prayer as an intro here is an extra idea.

PRAYER

Make a habit of starting and finishing your day in prayer. Just before you go to sleep, pray over the day you have just had, giving to God conversations had, decisions and actions made etc. Pray for the next day too. When you wake, may you say to God "Thank you God for a new day, I give it to you" rather than "O God, it's a new day!"

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY NINETEEN

Day Nineteen - November 21st

PRAYER

Let's move on to verse 13:

13And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one

Contemplate the things you find difficult in life and lift them to God, We are reassured in 1 Corinthians 10:12,13 by Paul who say,

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

May this scripture lead your prayers today.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY EIGHTEEN

Day Eighteen - November 20th

CONFESSION - PRAYER

Now onto verse12:

12Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

This verse actually acts as part of the confession discipline. Think for a moment over the things that you need forgiveness for. This could also mean making things right with someone that you have wronged.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY SEVENTEEN

Day Seventeen - November 19th

Prayer

Let's move on to verse 11 of the Lord's prayer:

11Give us today our daily bread.

Two points on this to direct your prayers. In James 4:2,3 James says,

"You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Yesterday you prayed into God's will be done. Keep praying that God would reveal to you His will. Ask God for what you need according to His will. God created you with needs, so bring them to Him.

It is also worth to note that God too IS our daily bread. Praying for your daily bread demonstrates faith, you are not praying for God's provision for years in advance, but each day. In Exodus 16 God provides daily manna. When they stored more than they could eat in one day, the next day they woke to find it rotten. trust God that he provides for you each day.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY SIXTEEN

Day sixteen - November 18th.

PRAYER

Yesterday you will have read over the Lord's Prayer and focussed your prayers on verse9. Today focus on verse 10:

10your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.

Let these words direct your prayers. Pray for God's kingdom come in all areas of your life especially those that you feel you do not submit control. Pray for His will to be done. Pray this prayer over those you know . Let God guide you in whom to pray for today.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY FIFTEEN

Onto week three. Now you have spent some time meditating on God and may be in a place where you feel like you can understand just a little bit more who you are praying to, we are going to spend the next five days worth of challenges praying. There are going to be many days through this year where the challenge is one of prayer.

Day Fifteen - November 17th

PRAYER

To start us off properly in prayer we are going to pray as our saviour Jesus taught us. In Matthew 6:5-15 Jesus says this of prayer:

5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
9"This, then, is how you should pray:
" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread.
12Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.[a]' 14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.


We are going to look more in depth at the Lord's prayer this week. Today spend time thinking about verse9:

" 'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,'

Let this verse direct your prayers and think about the impact this verse has on your life and to whom you are praying.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY FOURTEEN

Day Fourteen - November 16th

MEDITATION

Pick an everyday object and find a way of linking it to God.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY THIRTEEN

Day Thirteen - November 15th

MEDITATION.

ARTS: Paint or draw. Ideas: Perhaps a scene from the bible. Something in creation that inspires you.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY TWELVE

Day Twelve - November 14th

MEDITATION:

NATURE: Go for a walk through a forest or somewhere beautiful closeby and get amazed at the world and what God has created.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY ELEVEN

Day Eleven - November 13th

MUSIC: Play a worship song or a song that has powerful lyrics. Listen to it at least a couple of times and meditate on what the words mean.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY TEN

Day Ten - November 12th

MEDITATION

Scripture: Read a story from one of the gospels and take time to imagine yourself there at that very time.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY NINE

Day Nine - November 11th

MEDITATION

Dreams: Pray to God that He would come and speak to you in your dreams. Pray before you go to sleep. Pray for willingness to listen and protection as God ministers to you. You may wish to start a dream journal or add dreams to an existing journal.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY EIGHT

We have now made it through week one. Well done. Many of the challenges you may do already, some you may think 'So what's new?!', with some you may have already seen positive results from and others you may not for a while or in fact ever see positive results from. Some disciplines you may have found more easy to do than others. Please do persevere. We each connect with God in a unique way and will find certain challenges easier than others.

Week One has explored a variety of the different disciplines. Week Two we are going to explore one discipline, that of MEDITATION. Unlike many forms of mediation that aims to clear the mind, Christian meditation aims to fill the mind with things of God. Meditation is key in the build up to effective prayer. We meditate on God to begin to comprehend His heart and His will for our lives and the world. Effective prayer seeks the heart of the Father and the result of effective prayer is seeing things from His perspective. So let us begin to know God a little better.

Day Eight - November 10th

MEDITATION

Spend some time today looking to Him. Who is God? What is He to you? To help get you started, here are some of the ancient names describing God:

Elohim – God’s power and might
Elyon – the strongest strong One
Roi – the strong One who sees
Shaddai – the breasted One
Olam – the everlasting God
Adonai – Master Lord, God owns all His creation
Jehovah – the self-existent One, the God of the covenant
Jireh – the Lord will provide
Nissi – the Lord my banner
Shalom – the Lord is peace
Sabbaoth – the Lord of hosts
Maccaddeshoem – the Lord thy sanctifier
Rohi – the Lord my shephard
Tsidkenu – the Lord our righteousness
Shammah – the Lord who is present
Rapha – the Lord our healer

spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY SEVEN

Day Seven - 9th November

FASTING

Today, go for a meat free diet. If you live with others - family/ spouse/ housemates - encourage them to do the same. In the UK we eat a lot of meat and the carbon footprint for this in unhealthy for our world.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY SIX

Day Six - 8th November

SIMPLICITY

Adopt plain speach. In Matthew 5:37 Jesus says,
"Simply let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no', 'no'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY FIVE

Day Five - 7th November

SOLITUDE

Today, during your lunch break at work/school or wherever you are, spend it alone. If a lunch break is not possible, just spend 30 minutes or so whenever you can in your own company.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY FOUR

Day Four - 6th November

WORSHIP

Write a Psalm of Praise. Praise God for who He is all that He has done for you but also begin to write words of praise even if you do not feel like it. Whatever our situation, God is good and worthy of our praise.

Guildford Sky

This week has been an amazing spectacle right from my front room.

Rain, sunshine, moody clouds and orange drenched skyscapes.

One day it was absolutely bucketing down so hard for at least 20minutes and then gradually the skies cleared.

Another there was about 10 minutes of glorious oranges. No sooner had it all appeared it was gone again. It gave something for the commuters to look at as they sat motionless in their cars through Guildford town centre.

It is great to be able to enjoy God's heavenly displays even in a compact town centre.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY THREE

DAY THREE - 5th November

So hopefully you will now have a quick regular prayer time during an every day activity and have an encouraging word on your computer at home and work. Here's you challenge for day three:

SERVICE
Do something kind for someone in secret. Let your act be purely for God's approval.

Spiritual Fitness Challenge DAY TWO

DAY TWO - 4th November

I hope you found it straight forward enough to pray for someone you know / a cause this morning while brushing your teeth or whenever you may do it today. So, we're going to keep the start of the challenge light, much like any discipline we need to set achievable tasks and gradually build our capacity. Here is today's challenge:

STUDY

Put an encouraging scripture from the bible or an inspiring quote on your computer at home or at work. You could set it as your desktop.

The UCB Radio media ministry have daily word on their website or they can even send you a daily scripture via text message on your phone although this will cost 25p per day! Here's the link: http://www.ucbmobile.co.uk/web/home/

Spiritual fitness challenge DAY ONE

Spiritual Fitness - One a day. One year.

Following my previous post on 114 ways to spiritual fitness, I shall be posting a more manageable read each day which will give you a spiritual discipline to practice. I shall leave the original post on my blog for reference and as a resource, but I think if you have a read of my daily blog, I hope you will be inspired to invest in your own wellbeing through this spiritual fitness challenge. From my own experience I can guarantee you that you will grow spiritually and in your faith through investing in your spiritual fitness. To invest in your fitness you need discipline. This series will run for one year and I hope you can take it even further beyond.

I shall aim to post a day in advance, so here is tomorrow's challenge:

DAY ONE - 3rd November

We're going to start with something light.

PRAYER: Spend time in prayer during an activity that you know you will do each day eg. Brushing your teeth (I hope you do this each day!). Dedicate this time to pray for a particular person or cause or injustice.

So when you're brushing your teeth tomorrow morning, pray for your mate that's going through a tough time or perhaps some cause/ injustice going on in the world that really makes you angry. Then pray for them again the next time you brush your teeth and again the next time. Make it a regular time for quick prayers.

Lake district by sunrise and sunset

October is possibly the best time of the year for landscape photography full stop. There are many sunny days and due to the time of year the elevation of the sun produces good light most of the day. The are often many clouds in the sky and the low night temperatures can make for misty morning splendour. Not to mention the autumnal leaves painting an array of colour over the treescape.

This was taken from Derwent Island looking over to Catbells, Keswick at dawn

This was taken looking onto the lake, Derwent Water, Keswick at dusk.

There were some super clear night skies.

Teddy made for a great model over our week up in Keswick, this is one of hundreds I took!

114 practical ways to spiritual fitness

Fitness – emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.
In order to be fit we need to invest in all areas of our lives. All types of fitness are interlinked, but I suggest that the key fitness to nurture is spiritual. If we are spiritually fit we are much more likely to invest in ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. What I will look at in this blog are PRACTICAL methods of investing in your spiritual fitness. It is not the be all and end all of fitness, for example I developed a routine where in my devotion to my spirituality, I exercised physically. This fed my mind. I prayed then did some sit-ups. I read a chapter in the bible then did some press-ups. Times of spiritual lows can be as a result of lack of investment to our physical state and have knock-on effects to mental state. We must look after ourselves – sleep well, eat well, spend time with friends, spend time alone, go for a run or play sports or go to the gym, say good things to yourself.

Spiritual discipline – an overview of Richard Foster’s ‘Celebration of discipline’
In his book ‘celebration of discipline’, Richard Foster suggest there are 12 different spiritual disciplines and puts them into 3 categories. Internal: meditation, prayer, fasting and study. External: simplicity, solitude, submission and service. Corporate: confession, worship, guidance and celebration. I suggest that all of these disciplines can be done in all three ways. You can just as easily pray externally and corporately as internally. Fasting can be done corporately as well as internally though we should not remove it from our personal lives if we do this corporately. He talks of how one can find great joy in having discipline. On the road to spiritual fitness, we must exercise. To exercise we must practice the spiritual disciplines. If you want to find out more about each discipline pick up the ‘celebration of discipline’ book by Richard Foster. Each of these 12 disciplines will be part of this resource, let them soak your very being.

Spiritual pathways – get to know yourself. A brief look at ‘God is closer than you think’ by John Ortberg.
We all connect with God in our own way, how do you? There are many different ways, this is a brief overview. John Ortberg in his book ‘God is closer than you think’ says, “Our individual uniqueness means we will all experience God’s presence and learn to relate to him in different ways. A spiritual pathway has to do with the way we most naturally sense God’s presence and experience spiritual growth. We all have at least one pathway that comes most naturally to us. We also have one or two that are the most unnatural and require a lot of stretching for us to pursue.”
He outlines seven different spiritual pathways and they are as follows:
Intellectual Pathway: People on the intellectual pathway draw closer to God as they learn more about Him. When there is singing at church, you may be looking at your watch waiting for the sermon to begin.
Prime example: Paul. The road to his heart ran through his head.
Relational Pathway: People who follow the relational pathway find that they have a deep sense of God’s presence when they’re involved in significant relationships.
Prime example: Peter. He came to Jesus with others.
Serving pathway: On the serving pathway people find that God’s presence seems most tangible when they are involved in helping others.
Prime example: Mother Teresa. She is quoted as saying the primary reason she served was not out of obligation or that it was something she was supposed to do, but that it brought her joy.
Worship pathway: For people on the worship pathway, something deep inside then feels released when praise and adoration are given voice.
Prime example: King David. He wrote psalms and poetry to God. He played instruments beautifully. He danced.
Activist pathway: If you have an activist pathway, challenges don’t discourage you; they energise you.
Prime example: Nehemiah. When he hears his beloved Jerusalem has fallen, he is upset and wants to act.
Contemplative pathway: If you have a contemplative pathway, you love large blocks of uninterrupted time alone.
Prime example: Apostle John. He was known to be one who loved to bask in adoration of God.
Creation pathway: For people on the creation pathway, there is something deeply life-giving and God-breathed about nature.
Prime example: Jesus. He often withdrew to spend time alone in nature, by a lake or up a mountain.

The Challenge : Spiritual fitness diary
Using spiritual disciplines as a guide, let us practice these each week and see them become part of our daily lives.

There are practical guidelines to each discipline – methods to choose from in your quest for spiritual fitness – together with practical exercises. Following this section you will see a list of practical advise and ideas for each discipline. In your quest for spiritual fitness I suggest at some point trying all the different practical ideas for each discipline. You may find there are particular disciplines that you find easier to achieve and have more enthusiasm to do, whilst others pose a real problem both practically and/ or lack of enthusiasm for. These are just as important, however, each of us has a different spiritual pathway.

So, the ideas in this blog are nothing new. I cannot take credit for much of the advice and for where it came from. There are many invaluable books out there, of which I have referenced in this book. I have read many books on discipline, on fitness, but one thing that I found lacking from all the books and ideas that I have come across, is that practical application. Sure they have the ideas, but who wants to flick through 50pages to find an idea of how to live simply? The material in this blog comes from books, friends, family but most importantly, life experience. This is a place to share ideas and I pray they help you in your quest for wellbeing. This is a practical resource, and gives a time frame for it to happen. One year. However, with discipline, one must work at it every day, there is no point having a year of disciplined life. May this be a useful practical resource to give you a well balanced and healthy spiritual life.

Meditation

1. Spend some time meditating on God. Use this list of words to get you started, but start writing your own words to describe God. We all see Him in our own way, so write it down.

In the build up to effective prayer, meditation is really important. We look to Him, who/ what He is. At this point we can begin to understand our God. Effective prayer seeks the heart of the Father and the result of effective prayer is seeing things from His perspective.

Spend some time looking to Him. Who is God? What is He to you? If you need some help to get started, here are some names of God:

Elohim – God’s power and might
Elyon – the strongest strong One
Roi – the strong One who sees
Shaddai – the breasted One
Olam – the everlasting God
Adonai – Master Lord, God owns all His creation
Jehovah – the self-existent One, the God of the covenant
Jireh – the Lord will provide
Nissi – the Lord my banner
Shalom – the Lord is peace
Sabbaoth – the Lord of hosts
Maccaddeshoem – the Lord thy sanctifier
Rohi – the Lord my shephard
Tsidkenu – the Lord our righteousness
Shammah – the Lord who is present
Rapha – the Lord our healer

Jot down some words that come to mind. Meditate on these words.
Eliminate the usual distractions such as mobile phone.
2. Meditation on the scripture. Read a story from one of the gospels and take time to imagine yourself in there at that very time.
3. Dreams. Pray to God that he would come and speak to you in your dreams. Pray for willingness to listen and protection as God ministers to us. Start a dream journal. Interpret the dreams. Ask God for an interpretation. Do it with a friend.
4. Play a worship song that you like a couple of times over and meditate on what the words mean.
5. Meditation on nature: go for a walk through a forest and get amazed at what God has created.
6. Paint a picture, draw a drawing. You could even draw a story from the bible.
7. Pick an every day object and find way of linking it to God.
8. Go for a walk and find something that represents part of who God is and take a photo of it.
9. Write a poem/ Psalm.

Prayer

10. Spend time listening to God. Do not speak. Get past the point where you are distracted by thoughts to a place where you are clearly discerning the voice of God. Wait on God.
11. Read through the Lord’s prayer. Spend a week doing this, meditating on each line of the prayer and the impact that has on your life.
12. Your kingdom come – list down or even put on post-it notes friends/ family/ work colleagues/ enemies etc and pray for them all the week. Put the post-it somewhere that you are likely to see it each day as a reminder to pray. By the mirror in your bathroom.
13. Give us this day or daily bread – prayer for your needs. God created you with them. We do not get because we do not ask. Let’s start asking.
14. Corporate prayers of praise. Praise God for who he is, what he has done, what he will do.
15. Spend time in prayer during an activity that you know you will do each day eg. Brushing your teeth. Dedicate this time to pray for a particular person or cause or injustice.
16. Create a prayer diary – make a note of all your prayers. This can be later reviewed – give thanks to god for answered (and unanswered prayers).
17. While driving to work, put on a worship cd and pray to God. Allow Him to bring light to what He wants you to pray for.
18. Develop a habit of short prayers as you go throughout the day. if you have just seen someone you know, say a quick prayer for them. If a stranger catches your attention, pray for them. Your prayers may be the only prayer they receive that day.
19. Phone a friend or someone you want to be accountable to and ask them what they would like prayer for.
20. Get a person close to pray with each week. Be accountable to each other.
21. Purchase a newspaper. Read it and pray into the situations documented.
22. Just before you go to sleep pray for the day you have just had and the next day - dedicate it to God.

Fasting

23. Spend a day this week fasting. In this time you fast, during your meal time where normally you would eat, spend time declaring to God that He is your daily bread.
24. Much like with simplicity, give something up for a week – fast from watching tv, drinking coffee. Choose something that will be a challenge and will impact the way you spend your time (and money!)
25. Go to a supermarket and choose items on the shelves that appeal to you. raed the packaging, find out where the item is from. Spend a moment thinking about that country and pray for it. Instead of a shopping list take a world map and cross off the countries as you go round the shop. Cross off countries that you have prayed for and then put all the products back as a way of demonstrating sacrifice and what God has done for us.
26. Corporate fasting. Get others to fast all one the same day. In the evening get together to pray.
27. Meat free diet. You determine the length of time, it could be for a week, for a month or perhaps even one week each month, but remove meat from your diet and also encourage those in the same house to do the same.

Study

28. Bible reading. You may want to look at a particular book in the bible or work your way through it in a year. The resource 'Cover to cover' works through the bible chronologically giving you a sense of history.
29. Begin a ‘Christian’ book
30. Scripture cards – a bible verse on a piece of card – memorise
31. Add scripture cards around the house – places where you will see them
32. Begin a study of the scripture with a friend. Share your ideas and thoughts.
33. Memorise scripture with friends by repeating with actions or tunes.
34. Listen to a sermon on cd/ tape in your car on your way to work or on a journey or at home. Maybe even on your mp3 as you go for a run.
35. Get a bible commentary.
36. Have a word (scripture) for the day on your computer at work/ home. UCB send a daily bible verse via text message.
37. Reread a particular scripture several times a day as a way to keep thinking about it.
38. Memorise particular scriptures that you find helpful in the face of temptation. Quote these scriptures in the face of temptation as a way to say know to the devil and his schemes, just as Jesus did when he was led into the wilderness (Luke 4).
39. Get a crowd together and read the scripture out loud. Not just the usual 6 or 7 verses, but really read it. The public and shared reading of scripture has somewhat been lost in our time. Let us share the word of life (you may want to go outside somewhere to do this).
40. Read the scripture and consider each character in the story. Consider what they are thinking and how they feel.
41. Read the same scripture in several different translations.

Simplicity

42. Reject anything producing an addiction in you – eg. Coffee, cigarettes.
43. Reject something that is taking up an unhealthy amount of your time – eg. TV watching
44. Give something of yours away. This reduces the level to which your possessions possess you.
45. Adopt plain speech. Jesus tells us ‘let your yes be yes and your no be no, anything more is evil’.
46. Reject anything that breeds the oppression of others. This could be a conscious effort to analyse your purchases (eg. Fairtrade).
47. Have a clear out of your possessions, hording is idolatry so reduce the amount of possessions you own. You could potentially give items away or sell them and give the money to charity or give them to a charity shop.
48. Exchange that thing you are addicted to for the bible. Every time you want that particular TV programme or product, grab the word instead.
49. Approach God’s word and or your prayer time with a ‘childlike’ approach. We often complicate our prayers and the message and as a result miss out on the simple, affective truths that it offers.
50. Together with friends, live off the minimum wage for a month. Whatever money you save, donate. As part of this you may find that eating together is a great way of saving money and sharing fellowship is an added bonus.

Solitude

51. Withdraw somewhere by yourself, out of your routine (ideally in nature) and spend at least 30mins by yourself in quiet.
52. Spend a whole day away by yourself. Take yourself out of your regular setting. You could use this time to evaluate your goals for the future.
53. Take a lunch break from work and spend it alone.
54. Sit in a pub/ café/ anywhere with a bit of a buzz to it, but sit by yourself. Write a letter to God in this time.
55. Write a letter to yourself containing encouragement and challenges. Post this letter in the mail. When you receive it, spend some time reading through and feel the encouragement and challenge.
56. In order to make the most of your time in solitude: listen to external noises and list them. Listen to internal noises and list them. This may help you have better space to listen to God.

Submission

57. Find someone to regularly meet with to be honest: for encouragement, confession and prayer.
58. Be more aware of advise given to you and act on advise given to you.
59. Be more open to helping those who need your help.
60. Put your worries and pride across to God through prayer. Allow Him to take control in your life over these things.
61. Do what someone tells you even if you would not do it that way. Do not speak up.
62. Allow someone else to help you even if you think they could not do the job quite so well!

Service

63. Common courtesy. Make time this week to make sure you have replied to invites, send a card of appreciation to a friend, send an encouraging message. Build up someone this week.
64. Add yourself onto a rota at church, it could be sorting the chairs, being on the welcome team, serving drinks.
65. Offer your services to a local soup kitchen.
66. Actively allow someone to serve you. where you would find it difficult to submit control over a task, trust and allow someone to serve you.
67. In the small things: washing up etc
68. By guarding the reputation of others
69. Hospitality, welcome rota at church or having groups/ individuals round to your house.
70. Listening
71. Bearing the burdens of others
72. Sharing the word of life: this could include by word, send a text with an encouraging verse.
73. Share what God has been saying to you through a book or what is going on in your life that you are learning from.
74. Offer your talents as a way of serving another person’s needs: I’ll knit you a new hat, could you change my tyre. Or better still, do it without expecting anything in return.
75. Cook some cakes and take them in to your local police station or fire station.
76. Do a litter pick.
77. Do something kind for someone in secret. Let your act purely be for God’s approval.
78. Discover joy in serving. Mother Teresa says she did not serve because she had to, she served because it brought her great joy.
79. Be aware of others needs and offer to pray for them.
80. Courtesy – open a door for someone.

Confession

81. Read out the lord’s prayer
82. Spend some time thinking about your week and ask for god’s forgiveness where you have got it wrong
83. Spend some time thinking over your past. There is likely to be things that you need forgiveness for that lie forgotten. Think over the following first: Your childhood
84. Then think about: Your adolescence
85. Then think about: Your adulthood
86. Write down what you need forgiveness for from these time periods and then share this with a trusted friend. Simply read out what you have written, do not explain it, just read it. I would suggest then that the other person destroys these pieces of paper as a symbol that forgiveness is here. (Part 3-5 act as a series but each part requires time).
87. Do stage 5 on a regular basis. Give the trusted friend permission to speak into your life.
88. Be totally honest with God.
89. Get into the habit of confessing to small mundane things as a way to being able to confess to greater things.

Worship

90. Cultivate a practice of praising god, speak out words of praise for him
91. Dance – cut off those chains around your ankles! This could even be an expressive dance/ ballet.
92. Write a psalm of praise
93. Remind yourself of why you worship: it’s a response for what God has done for you and for who he is.
94. Worship Him in thought word and deed.
95. Make your first words in the morning each day be of worship to God.
96. Make a list of things you want to thank God for. You could share things from this list with others throughout the day.
97. This week, try reserving the word ‘awesome’ just for when you are talking about God.
98. Sing out loud, by yourself, in your car (really loud!).
99. Develop a habit of praising God when things are not going well. The sacrifice of praise shows we do not just honour God when things are going well. He deserves out praise whether we are doing well or not.


Guidance

100. Go away for the day by yourself and spend some time thinking about you future steps – dedicating them to God and asking for His guiding word. You could dedicate the next year or next 3months to His guidance.
101. Ask a friend that knows you well to pray with you if you have a big decision to make. You could also ask them what areas they see strengths in you and how they feel God might use them in the future.
102. Look over your past and the things that God has done/ is doing. What areas in your life has there been fruit? What areas of you is God clearly using for His kingdom? Also, what areas of your life do you love/ your passions? This will help to steer your decisions.
103. Whenever you have decisions to make, be sure to pray over them. Make sure you only make decisions having spent time listening to God.
104. Keep a journal. The past can help us consider the future.
105. Write a letter to yourself about what God is doing or what you think you might like to achieve or what God speaking to you about and get a friend to post it to you in three months time.

Celebration

106. Share a meal with friends
107. Corporate time of praise and worship to God
108. Spend some time thinking about and then perhaps writing down the things that God has blessed you with.
109. Dance. Make up a new one.
110. Write a song.
111. Create a thank you gift to God for his awesomeness.
112. Random act of kindness.
113. Put on a celebration themed worship song on really loud and dance – let yourself go!
114. Go out for a walk and take in the glory of God’s creation. Give praise for what you see.

Well, that's it. I would like to think that it is not the end though. Keep at it, please do post your feedback, these 114 ideas are initial thoughts, if there are things that really help you that are not on this list then please do let me know.

Resources
Some of the resources I have used for this can be found in the following books:

‘Celebration of discipline’ by Richard Foster
’Detox your spiritual life in 40days’ by Peter Graystone
‘God is closer than you think’ by John Ortberg
UCB.co.uk get daily text message of a bible verse.
'Cover to cover' Through the bible as it happened by Selwyn Hughes and Trevor Partridge.

Two Words.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
Mother Teresa

“Greater love has no one than this, to lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus Christ (John 15:13).


1

“I love you.” he said to her as he ran alongside the stretcher being pushed at speed through the hospital corridor. She was attempting to communicate with him but the oxygen mask was stopping her. She removed the mask with a wince of pain. She looked at him. All became a blur at this point and each movement - the hospital staff, the wall panels, the floor, the stretcher, had a strobe like effect. All except her lips. His focus was solely on her lips as she spoke those two words.
“Do you?” she mouthed just before a doctor replaced the mask back over her mouth. At this point the stretcher reached a set of doors and was wheeled through. At these doors he could go no further. The hand of one of the hospital pressed firmly against his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.
“We will keep you updated whenever we get news.”
Those two words, that simple question, hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut. He felt faint and though he stood still, the corridor continued to move. He could not communicate. All of this was hard to take in. Was it really happening? He leant heavily on one arm against the wall to brace himself against every compulsion to collapse to the ground. He looked up to the staff member who was gesturing towards a seating area about twenty metres back from where they were standing on the other side of the corridor. Those two words would echo through his mind for a long time to come.

2

The curtains are all drawn except for one only half been pulled together and the room is lit solely by the moon shining through this window. At first he cannot make out many details in the room, only the floorboards in the centre of the room and the wicker chair by the side of the bed. As each moment passes his eyes adjust to the darkness. The light from the full moon is incredibly bright tonight, there is not a cloud in the sky and the moon radiates a visible glow. The bed is in the darkest corner of the room, the opposite end from the exposed window. He walks across the length of the room looking out between the gap in the curtain through the window to see the moon framed between the old, wooden, paint chipped panes, to his usual place sat on the wicker chair by the bed. He knows exactly where to tread in order to avoid creaking the floorboards, though any creaking would not stir her.

His uncle had moved abroad and left the house vacant having had no success in selling after a lack of serious buyers. The house had been vacant of life for three months prior to their move here. When the uncle had heard of her unique medical condition, a rare form of a chronic respiratory disease, he offered the house for them to live in, without condition. Her body had reacted so badly to the condition that she had suffered brain damage, from which it was unclear as to whether she could or could not ever recover from. The advice for her to be in a setting of fresh air was a vain hope, yet any hope would do. Both the house and the open landscape are of grander scale than his urban upbringing. The countryside house has four bedrooms. Each had been filled at one stage. His uncle was much older than his dad and therefore his cousins were much older than he. They had all grown up and moved on. With each year the house grew as the rooms emptied one by one. Each room had various remnants and scars, signs of childhood years living out in these very places. In the boys rooms, blue tack stains and tears in the wallpaper from football posters, pen etchings on bedside tables of girl loved and lost. Secret stashes of old coins, football cards and toys hidden under loose floorboards, for the next resident to find. There were square patches of coloured carpet, darker than the faded mass, the only visible remains of furniture that had left with his uncle to the new house.

Downstairs, the kitchen door faces out to the back garden and ivy on the wall has grown and overhangs the doorframe. The house shows real signs of a house that, whilst is tidy, has been empty for three months. It is dusty, the garden is overgrown, but all these things gives it charm. Outside, the large patio is accessed directly from the kitchen. The stone is cold this time of year from the cool night air. The grass, like the ivy, has grown long. The areas of grass in the shade, protected from the sun by the long shadows cast by the tress, have large moisture beads lined up the stem. There are two conifer trees close to each other of which he walks between. No grass grows between these trees as the ground has no sun exposure. Beyond these trees to the left there is a vegetable garden. Much of the produce has either been taken by wild hares or has scorched in the summer months. Across the garden, amongst the dark set by the tall trees lining the border, a hare stands tall, ears perked up, listening. The hare moves its head left and right. In the midst of the silence the hare suddenly darts away into the overgrowth.

The room she has been lying in is in the back corner of the house. It overlooks the back garden and due to its position upstairs, it is possible to see over the hedgerows into the next field. At the top of the field is a huge oak tree. The bottom third of its trunk is hidden by the horizon. The field has long matted dry grass from the summer months of little rain and absence of the livestock grazing on it. The fields are surrounded by an imposing woodland.

“Hey you”, he whispers to her. He has not spoken all today and the words trap in his throat. He clears it and then repeats the two words. There is of course, no response. His sadness is once again immediate. She is the most incredible energy and life, cocooned for the rest of her days in a lifeless shell. The only signs of life are the warmth of her body encompassed within the winter thick duvet and her chest moving up and down with each breath. Breathing is about the only action she can accomplish in her own strength. He leans forward, elbows placed on his legs and rests his chin on his knuckles.

After minutes of quiet, the quiet turns into silence and the silence into a complete silence. He has grown accustom to the silence, though at first it terrified him. His ears would play tricks on him, creating sounds, a deafening and constant pitch. Tonight is oh so still. Outside the absence of cars driving by, the wind passing through the trees and bird song. It truly is a still, clear night, the first of the approaching winter. On the back of his neck he can feel the cold air from outside seep its way through gaps in the period, single glazed window behind him. An ivy slowly squeezes its way through the gap in the wooden frame. He watches her chest move up and down. He slows his breathing and matches her breath for breath. His ears pick up the noise coming from the boiler downstairs, heating the water throughout the house. The radiator clicks as the heat works its way through the pipes.

The lack of interaction and of life in their relationship due to her sickness plays on his mind again. He feels both anger and sadness toward her. He craves the interaction yet his heart breaks for her plight. She is both love and a curse. He often runs through a monologue in his mind about all that he is feeling. Some of the thoughts are so strong, some filled with anger so fierce, some with pressing melancholy at the situation that the very thoughts permeate the tangible silence. It is as if in this room one could hear his very thoughts aloud. At least having these thoughts breaks the unbearable silence. He sets foot on another trail of thought, working his way deeper into the dense forest of melancholy that surrounds him.

He always felt lost in the forest, it engulfed him from all angles. No way out, only further in. Sometimes it took him days to find his way back to the house, yet even the house is surrounded by the forest. There was limited solace in the house and the forest was growing more and more imposing to the point of having a tight, crushing grip on the house. The ivy was squeezing through the fragile window frames, ready to choke him. He needed a way out but could not find one. It was an ongoing fight against the forest, one he was not willing to give up, but the fight itself only empowered the forest. Downstairs in the house there is the faint sound of the grandfather clock ticking in the hallway. The count of each thought between each tick of the clock increases in number and each tick of the clock pounds each thought with force, right through the core of his head.

It’s so hard. Being here. You know this morning I realised we have been here for two years now. Two years. Two years alone. Two years of nothing. Time has not helped you. I know not how to aid you. Our friends have deserted us. God has fallen silent. Two years.

He was not sure what was prompting him, but he was treading new ground in the forest. He was entering parts that scared him the most, parts that had never had the courage and desire to explore. These parts were deeper into pain. He had kept this part of the forest at as great a distance as possible, but this very act meant these parts continued to grow. They were eating up the remainder of the forest like a cancer. Through time, he felt less and less able to get out, even though his desire grew greater.

Something new was driving him. He could not understand it, perhaps a long lost feeling that his memory had erased. It was forcing him into the depths of his greatest fear. To his room 101. To his greatest pains. Yet something was driving him there. It hurt so much. There were things he needed to let go of in order to alleviate the forest. Things that he so stubbornly held onto. Treading this path meant letting go. He needed to let go of himself, for it was his own self that was holding him back. It was his own shadow, pulling at his legs to slow him down and tempt him back. His own shadow commanding the vines, the thistles and weeds and the ivy to choke him, sting him, to block the path he needed to walk. The forest was so dense yet he knew in his heart what was on the other side and he wanted it but had never been there before. He did not know how to get there but something, some force, was revealing it to him. He was letting go. He was handing over control, submitting himself.

I miss the way things used to be. Our old flat. The kitchen, breakfasts, going to work, seeing friends, dancing. I miss dancing. I miss doing nothing and everything together. I miss hugging and kissing. Watching movies. Our adventures, your laugh, your tears. I miss praying with you. I miss connecting with you. I miss us supporting our friends and each other.

His sadness is beyond tears and weighs heavy on his heart. He rubs his chest by his heart to put some life into it which irritates his skin. It has been a while since he has been to church. He cannot really leave her and she cannot leave the house. He misses going to the church meeting, having the interaction with fellow believers. The support and friendships. His belief has a somewhat bitter taste. It did not take long for the supportive phone calls from friends and church family to subside. He made no effort himself in return, but was aggrieved at the thought that there may have been the expectation for him to do so. It did not take long for God to fall silent to his frustrated ears. He does not read the bible any more. He used to every day. The inspiration from it transformed his life. Through time the words in it became somewhat empty. This book, that was so alive to him, had rotten through over the course of the two years. He would read about Jesus healing people and then look over at her. He would pray in faith for her to get better. Every day, on five regular intervals, he would give her the medication from the doctors but nothing worked. How was this the best for her? If she had just died in a car accident then she would be in a better place. She would not suffer. He would grieve for her, but no longer suffer with no end in sight. Just as she was trapped in her frail body and thick duvet, he was trapped with good health in this house surrounded by the forest of melancholy with the weight of responsibility that he placed upon himself.

The sadness, it weighs heavy on my heart. My chest feels like it is going to cave in on itself. The sadness weighs heavy on my shoulders. It presses me deep. The ground makes way for my depression. It cuts me up so badly seeing you like this. I feel so helpless. I feel like there is something I should do. Something I have missed. Some treatment. There must be more clues, if only I could find them. I am drawing a blank. I have prayed every prayer in every way. Every combination of words, emotions and measure of faith, yet none have wielded healing. There must be a solution. There must be a cure. God, you must be able to spark life back into this inactive brain. There must be something new I can do. There must be more. I cannot just sit by you though there would be no place I’d rather be, other than with you in health. Bringing you water and bringing you food, being here with you. Avail not, I don’t even know if you were able to tell me, that you would tell me to go. Time does not heal. Prayers have not. Medicine is nothing but a placebo. This place of fresh air chokes me, it is a cancer to my very own soul. The trees sway in the breeze, the leaves transform to a plethora of oranges and yellows till they drop to the earth and the branches are bear till they bud forth once more. I feel as full of life as your horizontal body, give me a casket and I would take it.

Each step he took, everything became clearer. Every step he took he could see more of her. Each step he took away from himself, brought him closer to her. Each step he took closer to her, the weight pressing on his shoulders eased. Each step he took anointed the irritable, hollow state of his heart with soothing oil. Each step he took relaxed the tension in his muscles. Each step he took, the forest thinned out and the path became more and more obvious. The route he had wanted to take, one towards himself, had been shut off and he began to realise just why. By treading the path in the opposite direction all became clear, he was on the path of understanding. Do you? Do you? He never knew what to say, what to think, what to feel or what to do with those two words. He never knew if he even wanted to change the heart that spoke those words to him, for he did not know whether that heart was truly important to him. Yet the same force that was driving him deeper into the forest, to realms of clarity and understanding, was the one that brought him to the house in the first place. To her bedside. To a life of simplicity and solitude. This same force, at work in him now, was transforming his very being. This force that had brought him on the path of pain, was aiding each and every step along the path.

She is like a sleeping beauty, her mouth finely closed, her long lashes pressed down over her resting eyes. Under her eyes a small collection of freckles. The only other place on her body adorning freckles is on her shoulders. Her collarbones slightly protrudes and the one on the left has a small mole on it. He only noticed this mole since the move. Her skin radiates a warmth and is delicate to touch. Her hair is thick. Her hair used to find its way in all kinds of places in their old flat. He remembers pulling lumps of hair out of the drain in the shower, the lack of drainage during a shower was a clear sign of maintenance due. Now he remembers hairs on the wall in their shower unit. When he daydreamed in the shower he would often push his finger along the wall, collection her hairs all together then rearrange them in to abstract Picasso-esque faces. He loved the patterns he could make with her hair and how the water globules slowly gliding down the bathroom tiles would gently guide these art forms down and transform them into new shapes. Her beauty is timeless, she does not seem to have aged a moment since lying in the bed. It is as if the brain alone, with it’s ability to worry, can age her. Her inactive brain, her internal condition, freezes her in time. This beautiful shell lay on this bed, unable to do anything else.

Am I being selfish? Being angry at this. I feel so bad about feeling this way. Do I have any right? Do I? You suffer, and I with you. You suffer physically and I mentally. Is it worse for me or you? You physically cannot do anything yet I can, and I’m trapped. Every day that ticks by I think, what is the best for you? What is the best for me? What is best for us? Where is the end? I miss you. You are here but I miss you so much. To feel you. Not just to touch you, but to really feel your life within. For you to hug back. I hate that you are in this condition. I hate you. No I do not, I hate the situation. A situation that you have put me in. Fight it. Fight this condition that takes your very life. Every night I watch you sleep. Every night the fox hunts the hair and feeds its young, the water flows through the brook, the grass grows, our friends party together, the workers earn their money, the world spins on its course. Yet we are here. Still. With sickness and health. The better for us has long passed by, only the worse remains.

He remembers when they first met. It was a mild, long summer day in June. He was camping and on the far side of the field was a long hedgerow. It was just the right time of year to pick berries and this hedgerow had produced many. Using his plastic bowl from a basic outdoor tableware set, he started to collect the berries. At times reaching high, to the point of his reach where he was pressing his face into the sharp branches. It we so peaceful there. The sort of time and place where the rush and worries of the world seem of little significance. He climbed over a metal gate in the wooden fence to the other side of the hedgerow so he could pick from the other side. He had collected near a full bowl, munching on some as he went. A seed was caught in between two of his teeth. He was using his nail to take it out when, from nowhere, the snout of a horse brushed straight over his shoulder, past his face and started tucking in to the bowl of berries he had picked! He had not heard the horse at all. He pulled the bowl away, looked at the horse and burst into laughter.
“Cheeky sod!”, the horse was still munching through the berries in its mouth. With the bowl behind his back he stroked the snout of the horse, who was sniffing for more.
“Made a friend?”, a voice from across the field. He turned and saw her. She was walking across the field towards them in equestrian clothing and with a radiant smile.
“Is he yours?”
“Yes SHE is.”
“Well she is very forward, and very clever. She nicked my berries!”
“She takes after her owner!”
They shared the bowl of berries, all three of them. And so it began. From that moment their relationship began and they had never even thought of looking back.

It is so hard seeing you like this. I’m lost. If I go, what would I do? Where would I go? I have no one else but you and I don’t even have you really. I’m lost without you, I am miserable with you. Because its not you. Its your shell, but not your life, your energy, your smile, your laugh, your tears, your bad moods, your passion, your forgiveness. Release it! Give me a bad mood, please. Any mood but no mood. I have never thought of leaving you, I just want the best for you. How can I support you?

He plays the scene at the hospital back over in his mind. He thinks over the weeks prior to that moment. She had become slightly disengaged, but nothing unusual. She had complained about feeling a little faint but not enough to merit any specific attention beyond a couple of questions. He had been so busy that week before, work was demanding and come the Friday night he just wanted to unwind. The thought of cutting this time short when they were out because she was feeling particularly faint was annoying to him, but of course he should take her home. He feels an overwhelming sense of guilt for being annoyed to leave the night out early. He remembers clearly every moment from leaving the pub to waiting anxiously in the waiting area at the hospital. They got a taxi home, walked into the house and both stood in the kitchen. He was annoyed but had concern because she really did not appear to be well. He made her a glass of water and he was looking in one of the cupboards for Marmite with which to make some toast when her saw her faint out the corner of his eye. He spun round and sprang froward to catch her but he could not get to her quite in time. The full glass of water smashed on the kitchen floor alongside her heaped body. He could not rouse her and with speed, called the ambulance.

At the time of the incident, they had been dating for two and a half years. They had lived together in the flat for the last six months and it was only a matter of time before the big question. They were both in their early thirties, had solid jobs and friends and it was just the thing to do. He had been thinking over the big question and it intimidated him. When you date he thought, there is still that freedom, you could get out at any point if there were any major issues, there was no binding paperwork, just a shared bed. These sorts of questions troubled him for moving on in their relationship, surely he would not feel this way if he was ready. He knew he loved her, and he did. He just never really thought about it. The world was ready, both families were ready, they themselves were not. When they shared those two words the first time it was a bit of a spur of the moment thing. No hype, no build up, it just happened. It was not sparked by a fresh revelation, a special moment or from advice from a friend. She said it, he replied. It was not a romantic moment.

You are so beautiful, lying there. I love watching you breathe, matching my breath with yours. It is so relaxing, like meditation. I often close my eyes, my heart beating along side yours, my lungs taking in oxygen along side yours, and wonder what you see. Do you think of us, can you even remember me?

There were points in their routine when they merely passed by each other. She started and finished work an hour earlier than him. As she left the house in the morning, he would be in the shower. As he returned home from work, she often would be heading out or was completely zoned out having relaxed for an hour. They led busy lives. They had great fun together. They spent time with friends, time together alone. They lived their own lives together. They always had much to talk about, much news to share, stories from work and events from around the globe to debate. There was nothing sour, no great arguments, differences. Their relationship was solid. The times that showed some level of frailty, was when either of them were sick. They had such busy lives and much to do, that when either became sick, a cup of tea and a “I’m thinking about you” was about as far as the support reached. The other, lying in bed recovering, would be doing it solo because the other would be at work or out with friends. It certainly was not appealing to sit by the side or one who was sick and one certainly would not want to do this. How could one even support them anyway? They needed time to recover and that could be done solo. This unspoken understanding was mutual, however what neither of them knew, was just how much they needed the other when they were the one in bed.

To him it was strange just how he responded to her condition with his love and support. They were not even engaged, he still could get out and let’s face it, it wasn’t exactly enticing to leave his job, friends and fast paced life behind in a vain hope that his intensively sick girlfriend would recover. He did not feel serious enough about her and it was much to ask of someone with those kind of feelings. Just like their relationship happened oh so naturally, his decision just happened. There was no real thought process behind it. He was not sure whether he loved her or not, but he was sure he was going to tend to her. To go with her to the house and be by her side. There was no other option. Not that she would have picked up on this. It isn’t like she really knows he was there, she was living and breathing, but with a damaged brain and paralysed body. But he was not to have known just the severity and length of her condition which would make his decision such a sacrifice.

Where is my lover? You lay peacefully on your bed, enshrined in beauty, but you are not there. Every part of you speaks to me, yet I cannot hear. I sit beside you, I do not want to go. It is painful to stay. I love every little detail of your beauty, your lips, your eyes, your freckles, the softness and colour of your skin, your neck and your collarbone, your breasts, the way your hair rests on you over your neck and shoulders. I feel like I know you so much better now, but I miss you so much.

At first, there were times when he regretted his decision. The moments when a text message would come through on his phone about a night out, a weekend away or the very occasional messages of support. The times when the tick of the clock downstairs in the kitchen would permeate the silence, acting as a reminder of his own life ticking by. These moments of regret plagued him less and less as they grew in an unspoken companionship. The real difficulty came in the times he craved any physical interaction, a hug, a kiss, a smile or a squeeze of the backside. She was unable to give these things. There was no one in the world he would rather share any of these things with, yet she could not. To hear her voice again, her laugh. To feel her touch. All he could do, was to gaze upon her beauty.

I cannot leave. I will not leave. I am eternally yours and you are mine. My life is yours, all that matters is being here with you.

He had reached the end of the path to a clearing, and in the place, there she was. His heart had filled, his spirit was light and he knew where he was. His heart kept filling and out of it he began to speak.

I... I... I lov......

There is movement. She turns in the bed. Her body is now facing him, her hands are placed together under her face and she rests her cheek on the back of her hand. His heart doubles its pace. Her lips move and he sees her tongue moisten her lips. He is fixed on her every move. Her eye lids flicker and then open. She is looking at him directly. She is about to speak, all else fades into the background and his sole focus in on her lips.

“I know.”

At first he does not know whether or not he has imagined her speak, for interaction is sparse and he has imagined her to move so often. His reaction tells him the answer. His cheeks burn up, his face glows red in the night light. Was he speaking out loud or were his thoughts so loud? They gaze at each other, neither with the compulsion to look away. He smiles awkwardly at her, she continues to look at him. Her gaze tells what her words tell him in one moment what all of this has meant to her. These two horrid years. Two years with those two words from the hospital hanging over him. His shame is heavy, but subsides as he processes what is happening. The epiphany strikes its knockout blow. Those two words erased the two that had been on his mind. He had left those words behind in the forest and now she said these words they had been permanently erased from any memory. Love only manifests itself in companionship through the worse. These two beautifully horrid years. All those days back at the flat: the working hard, playing hard, praying hard, partying hard, fast pace, fast relationship only lent itself to hollow sentiments. He knew he had said he loved her and he knew he did, but did he know it. Until now. Live with me, lie with me, eat me with me, laugh with me, cry with me, dance with me. All these past moments catch up to this point in time. Sit next to me. Tend to me. Suffer with me. Suffer for me. Just being here with me is enough. All the feelings of anger, pain, regret and frustration fuse together, melted down and leave nothing but a divine sculpture he can only describe as love. He feels a love for her, this radiant, beautiful, disabled shell, like he has never felt. The time lost transforms into time gained. In these two years of nothing, everything makes sense. He has not lost out, he has achieved so much more. Her understands, his perspective has shifted. He has come away from himself.

A tear forms in his eye and everything becomes blurred. He wipes it away before its descent down his cheek. He looks down at the floor and then back up again. The weight that has crushed him from all angles eases in pressure. His entire body expands from the relief, he can breathe again. He can feel his heart beating again. The ivy retreats back through the gap in the window pane from whence is came. The room is flooded with light. His head expands as it processes a million thoughts each millisecond and he feels light enough to float from the wicker chair. He goes to speak but has no words. The lump in his throat and the sheer emotion of the moment would not allow him to do so in any case.

She closes her eyes and the stillness and silence returns.

His mind flickers between time past and time present. His tear soaked smile subsides into a frown.

Just as her two words erased the two spoken in the hospital those two years ago, each tear he cried was a downpour of acid rain to the forest. It melted away any trace and underlaying the forest was a meadow. The meadow was beautiful with rolling hills and where the forest choked and crushed him, the meadow brought freedom and understanding. Having been guided through the path of hurt, he knew for the first time that he understood love and that love had it’s beautiful grip on him. He knew that all he needed to do was to be here.

He knew that when she had asked the question ‘Do you?’ that his answer was ‘I do not’ which is what had cut him up all this time. Now when she stated ‘I know’, he knew that for the first time his answer was just I do but ‘I will’.